My Year By Design

The journey to living by design.

Am I finally turning the corner? 

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So I have been suffering through the process of coming off my antidepressants for almost a month. It has been much more difficult than I thought. Well actually, coming off the meds was fine. It was the two weeks after I stopped talking the pills that kicked my butt. In my last post, I mentioned a list of withdrawal symptoms I was experiencing, including brain zaps.

The good news: the brain zaps have pretty much stopped.

The bad news: my other withdrawal symptoms got really awful.

I started to have irrational anger. When it comes to anger, I may have a short fuse but it’s a quick explosion too. I get angry for may five or six minutes tops unless it’s something really serious. Lately though, everything seems to be making me mad. For example, I caught myself getting angry at one drive for running a red light, (how dare you endanger us all?) and cursing another for not running a red, (get out of my way, you slow-poke!) Poor Nick has born the brunt of my craziness with relative good humour, although when he laughs it just makes me angrier. The upside is that I generally recognize these bursts of emotion as irrational and can at least wait them out if I can’t get rid of them.

I have also been suffering horrible headaches and body aches almost every day. I get cramps in my legs and sharp pains in my back whether I sit, stand or lie down. I am still exercising but it takes all of my willpower to drag myself to the gym.

Finally, I had a few days where I’ve had some very negative thoughts I can’t seem to dismiss. Mostly, I feel sad and worthless. Again, I know these emotions and thoughts are just part of the withdrawal and not real. That doesn’t make it less exhausting to put up with.

Today was totally different. I felt almost normal. I didn’t wake up in pain or with nausea. I actually wanted to get out of bed and start the day. I was able to eat breakfast without gagging. In my Crossfit class I felt stronger than I had in days and I wasn’t totally exhausted by the end, (although I got a good sweat!)

Better than all of that, I enjoyed my day! I wasn’t just waiting for the day to end so I could crawl into bed. I hope this day wasn’t a fluke. Perhaps my withdrawal is finally winding down. I love feeling like myself again.

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